Forest Ranger DIARIES
An Ancient Forest
SSSI designation in London
Here I hope to share some of the things that interest me. I will admit that most of the time my mind is focused on dance and movement, but I really love nature. Being surrounded by all the living things just feels good. Have you ever been in the forest or sea or mountains, anywhere that you could hear the natural rhythm of the earth? somewhere, maybe, where you could only hear the far hum of traffic, sounding almost like a waterfall? or maybe somewhere where there are no signs of people, just life doing its thing. It’s such a special feeling. In those moments I feel most connected. Most alive. That sudden glimpse of reality that we, as the inhabitants of this earth, are all cohabiting the earth, doing our best to stay alive. It’s truly special.
I have long accepted that I cannot change the world. I used to think I could. A fiercely passionate 17-year-old me was so angry at humanity when I learnt the horror stories of what humans have done, and still do, to the earth and each other. In the decade that followed, I had a wild emotional rollercoaster dealing with the realities of the world. I couldn’t change things, the climate is getting more unstable, and we are still killing the planet no matter how much we scream into the void that is capitalism.
Despair came over me by the time I hit 24. I felt like I couldn’t watch the news, I couldn’t keep reading all the depressing shit that consistently reminded me that we are the cause of extinction, including the extinction of our own species. I delved deeper into pole dancing, which I am eternally grateful for. I was able to create a space that only reminded me of movement and being within myself in real time, instead of admitting the depressing reality of our future.
After 10 long months of doing nighttime care work and looking for a grad job after moving back to London, I landed myself a job as a ‘Community Forest Ranger’ for a charity that runs leisure facilities in a London Borough. I went into this shockingly unprepared. I had zero work-related experience, I had barely ever gotten out of hospitality or warehouse work since I had started to work at the age of 16. This role required me to create a volunteer program on an SSSI Ancient Forest. I had some volunteer experience in various places that I went to inconsistently, but otherwise, I was out of my depth.
Once the job started it was a bit of a shit show of unexpected series of events, confrontation with direct management, workplace conflict, and trying to learn all these new practical skills I did not know about, to then lead and teach new volunteers (who were more often than not, decades older than I am). I tread carefully in my first role in the environmental sector. Although I did almost lose my marbles several times, the job itself was wonderful. I learnt that I love to be outdoors, that I am a practical person, and cannot stand admin. I learnt to bring a community together, to teach people practical skills through which we made new homes for the creatures of the forest. I loved how much we were getting done, regardless of my shockingly poor planning skills in a field in which I was very much a novice myself.
It was frustrating to see one of the rarest collections of habitats, in this comparatively small 800 acres of ancient land, was being mismanaged, neglected, and had so many missed opportunities. It was easy to fall back into another spiral of how the destruction of nature is systematic, and people like my managers uphold that same system in its place.
Regardless, I carried on. With the help of my dear colleague, now a close friend, we took over some of the decisions. With his fresh-out-of-studies in arboriculture passion, he managed to bring inspiration and motivation back into me. We did a lot of good for the Forest and community, most of which I will talk about in later blogs.
As time went on, the volunteer team grew from two individuals to over 30 regular attendees. The projects became bigger and better with each year.
At the point of writing this now, it’s been two and a half years since I started this role. With many ups and downs, and many fights fought with management on basic rights and practices, I can say that now I have more of an idea of what I am doing. In these years, I have learnt to use my voice (even if some do not like it), I learnt how to plan, how to create and follow through with nature-related projects, and how, most importantly, to lead a team of volunteers.
If I’m honest I still battle imposter syndrome, but those thoughts are mellowing out. I have become more confident that I can do whatever I put my mind to. I know my time as a “Forest Ranger” will not be forever, I know that this deeply practical job is preparing me for my future ventures. I am deeply grateful for this.
After 26 years of going through life, learning lessons, meeting new people, and learning to listen to people around me who aren’t in such a deep state of despair, I am learning to look at all the wonderful things that are also happening on this planet. There are people out there who really fucking care (more about this in other blogs). They do wonderful things around them, for the community, the ecology, or both.
I coming to grips with that, no I can’t save the planet or stop capitalism, but I can change the world around me. I can bring more peace into this world even if it’s in my relationships, physical spaces, my home, green space etc. I can change how respond to the world. Do I delve into a bottomless pit of despair? or can I bring more of what I would like to see in the world around me? How can bring peace to myself, the earth I live on, and the people that surround me?
These are the questions that I am using to guide me. I am for the first time in a while, looking forward to a future where I can create the world I want to see, even if this is on a miniature scale within my own little universe.
Thank you for reading my first blog. It felt good to get this stuff out of my brain. I hope that you enjoy the rest of my blogs <3
